Instead, seek a community where there’s faith authenticity. Using religion as an opiate to ignore reality is something I speak AGAINST on a regular basis.
Talk out your problems with someone wiser than you. If you can’t shed your burdens on your own, seek counseling. Actively attempt to find positive ways to deal with your burden. Don’t be afraid to hear their stories and become apart of their family.ĭon’t be passive with the burdens you carry. Love them intentionally and don’t be afraid to find joy in meeting their needs. Probably the best means to cope with the funeral business is found in the people we serve. Learning to see the light in the darkness of death is a positive way we can cope. Yet, the good we can do and the beauty we can find around death – if we look for it – may outweigh the darkness. The funeral business contains many burdens. Once calloused, we tell ourselves that “death isn’t as bad as ‘these people’ are making it seem.” Once we trivialize the grief and death we see, we can easily justify charging the hell out of the families we serve. If we can’t bounce back from the fatigue, we begin a journey down the road to callousness.
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The sexual philandering that occurred in Six Feet Under was not just for higher TV ratings.Ĭompassion fatigue happens to all of us in funeral service. I know a number who attempt to waste their troubles away with a bottle. The difficulty is only compounded by the fact that you just cannot make your spouse or best friend understand how raising the carotid artery of a nine-month old infant disturbs your mind. During different occasions, I have become both the mess and the monster. We withhold and withhold and withhold and then … then the floodgates open, turning our normally stable personality into a blithering, sobbing mess, or creating a monster of seething anger and rage. We are paid to be the stable minds in the midst of unstable souls. In an attempt to cope and find a sense of control in our uncontrolled and unpredictable world, we will often emotionally and verbally manipulate and control our family, co-workers, employees, associates and those closest to us, making us seem nearly bi-polar as we treat the grieving families that we serve with love and support and yet treat our staff and family with all the emotional turmoil that we’re feeling inside. We too often take out our frustrations, fears and anger on those closest to us.Īnd we often displace those emotions on those closest to us with some kind of aggression. Since funeral directors can’t control death and death’s schedule, we attempt to control those things and/or people that we DO have power over. One or more of these methods MUST be used if a person is to stay in this profession AND maintain a healthy personal and family life.įuneral service is a business that is both uncontrollable and unpredictable. The last five are positive coping methods. The first five are coping methods that are negative or maladaptive techniques. Here’s 10 coping methods funeral directors use. And there’s ways - both positive and negative - that we cope with our burdens. We funeral directors carry a unique set of burdens. There’s been an overwhelmingly positive response to my article “ 10 Burdens Funeral Directors Carry“.
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